ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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