Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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