if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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