I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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