my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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