The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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