Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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