Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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