apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
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you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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