i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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