You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize