So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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