i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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