Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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