i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize