This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
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