Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Someone came in the potted fern
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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