i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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