It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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