He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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