if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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