it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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