can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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