It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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