conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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