i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize