At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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