Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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