If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
from now on my penis is your penis
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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