just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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