Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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