He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize