I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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