We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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