so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
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I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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