i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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