my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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