Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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