I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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