If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize