i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
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His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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