Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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