Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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