my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize