census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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