You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize