I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
...so i touched it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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