I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize