hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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