just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize